I am a piece of shit

I set my alarm for 9 am this morning...knowing I had a project to do that was due at 1. I pressed snooze 6 times finally resetting my alarm for 11, convincing myself that I could get it done in about an hour. Upon arriving at the b school at 12:40 I was still fairly confident I could get it done. Then at 12:50, I reread the project instructions and found out it was going to take 2-3...now what I could have done, was email my professor with a thousand apologies and ask for an extension or a late penalty...butttttt I did the exact same thing 2 weeks ago in the same class. So instead I just skipped class, facebooked in the computer lab, and I will hide under a rock until Monday and hope that I can get a C in the class.

I also am now on double secret disciplinary probation with IU because I haven't done community service or met with an alchohol counselor...I still need to do an alcohol class for Monroe County and road crew...jesus, just writing about this stresses me out. I need a cigarette.

Quite plainly...I am a piece of shit

Happy Birthday Dan!

Happy Birthday Dan Brown! For those of you who will be celebrating tonight...it will be well worth your while...DB celebrates 22 years of awesomeness today, and looks forward to winning little 5 this year. Dan is pursuing a triple major in Finance, Accounting, and Operations...he is also very close to curing cancer, diabetes, AIDS, and several Hepatitis strains.

Goths and Mexican Drug Lords

Which is scarier?

Washington, D.C. (AHN) - The State Department has issued a travel
alert cautioning Americans visiting Mexico, which is seeing a rise in
criminal and drug cartel-related violence.

Mexican drug cartels are engaged in an increasingly violent conflict -
both among themselves and with Mexican law enforcers - for control of
narcotics trafficking routes along the U.S.-Mexico border, according
to the department.


With Spring break about 11 days away (and Dan's bday tomorrow and Watchmen being released on Friday, big 2 weeks) The U.S. State Department has issued a warning telling Americans that going to Mexico would be a sure death sentence. Wrap up the Hostel, Saw, and Turista franchise into a nice blanket of strong R-Rated College slasher film. How ironic that we leave Friday the 13th, might as well book Jason Vorhees a ticket from Camp Crystal Lake to Puerto Vallarta, where he can do some more box office damage. Since the trip is likely to be half porn already, all he needs to do is supply is 36 inch butchers blade.

But even that isn't as terrifying as the idea of getting shot by a two-bit coke dealer having a bad day in paradise. So I have decided on putting together a survivor's guide to PV. I will maximize fun and keep safety at a low.

1. Post up at the hotel during the day.
Simple enough, use your free drinking at the hotel, no need to wander off the beaten path. Take the shuttle to our approved dinner spot, no need to try to be trendy, I will feel safest when the group is largest (also because I am not the slowest in a large group.) Following these short rules should protect us by day.

2. NO DRUGS! Honestly, the whole war is because of drugs! Anyone trying to score a dime bag of aregano puts us all at danger. If you need to go wild, bring some prescription adderall, but no dealings with George Jung while we are down there ite?

3. Buddy system! Everyone needs a drinking buddy...Jack might need two. If your drinking buddy is blacked out it is your responsibility to take them home and put them in bed...or if you aren't ready to leave, then I suggest coatchecking your friend, and collecting him on the way home.

4. Lastly, pair off early. We all know that the top 2 reasons to go out are to get hammered and find a mate. Therefore, if it is about ten o'clock and you are thoroughly sauced, and believe you have made the pull, a solid play could be "do you want to just go to my room now?" Think about it, not only does this eliminate the risk of getting shot...it also eliminates the risk of you losing your pull at the club to either another dude or her friends...something you might want to think about.

Well good luck everyone on sb and be safe. Take my rules to heart and you will live to see little 5...and yes, sadly, graduation!

Frat hard or go home,

The Blackberry Javelin

6 more weeks of Uggs

Usually the last week of January is fairly uneventful, but last week was nothing short of a marathon. That snow day really got people fired up, and once you commit to that day drinking marathon on Wednesday, you have pretty much inevitably committed to a five day weekend. And when the Superbowl is that following Sunday, there is a pretty good chance that you won't be getting that weekend homework done til Monday night.

Well flash forward to now, this moment. Happy Groundhog day everyone! Today our furry friend will emerge from his hole...and if he was like me this morning he will stumble right back inside, and say why the fuck is it so bright out. Then his hangover will kick in, he will drink a rockstar and make the miserable trek to class. Alas, I am no groundhog, so let's see if it will be an early spring or if the outdoor day parties will continue to be a slush filled event...


"Groundhog predicts 6 more weeks of winter!" Some shitty small town in Pennsylvania has reported that Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow and ran back into his hole because he is a raging coward...or maybe he is just lazy. But, nevertheless, it appears that this will not be an early spring, but I can assure you that it will not influence my drinking habits in the slightest. In fact I have heard a few people in the talks of getting Lake Monroe Pontoon boats for Valentine's Day...what is more romantic than wearing dry suits in the middle of the lake drinking Jager to keep warm? You are right, taking your girlfriend to see the awesome new remake of Friday the 13th would be slightly more impressive. Orrr, you could take her to see My Bloody Valentine 3D...

But we are getting away from the true spirit of the day...this fat fluffball has become a celebrity by doing nothing other than waking up on the same day every year and then deciding to go back to bed...Larkin does this act every fucking day, and he isn't celebrated one bit! I would love to become famous by doing nothing other than just existing...that would be commendable. Then again, how famous is this little rat? Because I hypothesize that way more people knew that there was an all new episode of gossip girl on tonight, and few knew of Mr. Phil's prediction.

See ya out there.

Bummer Heights High

Snow Day yesterday...pretty bad ass. How did Indiana students celebrate? You guessed it, by putting kegs in the snow and ripping it. A brief recap for those of you that missed out.

Wednesday, January 28th

11:00- Woke up. Class canceled til noon woo hoo! Woke up roommates, corralled all shackers orchestrated rides, and began drinking.

Noon: Class canceled all fucking day! Resin hits, Big Red, 2 kegs, bbm everyone, start taking celebratory shots.

1:00: Flip cup in 8 inches of snow, while IU employees shovel our sidewalk, is it wrong of me to laugh.

2:00: The kegs are gone but Dick drives to the frat and steals another one! TFM Dick. I believe we all just threw snowballs at McBroom, and Steve just played the Jock Jams megamix for the seventh time.

3:00: Some how every Senior that I have befriended in college is now crammed in a 40 square foot room at Sigma Chi singing Celine Deon...nice.

4:00: We are all blacked out now at Kilroy's, I wonder if this is what IU had in mind.

7:00: Still at Kilroys

7:18: I took a break from the action to grab a slim 2 at JJs...however I returned to Kilroys to consume it.

I'm not entirely sure what happened from about 8 to 12:30, but when I came out of my black out I had been asked to a formal and I was at Sports wearing a "Hey it's my birthday shirt!" Then when I looked down at Jake and he gave me a shot and said Happy Birthday, I realized that it was now indeed January 29th! Nice!

12:36: Birdman, Jake, and Hunter are on some sort of mission and my phone keeps ringing, I think I'm supposed to go home.

12:49: Run into Bluebird to tell Clayton Anderson that he rocks.

12:57: So this is what Brothers is...

1:30: In bed, tomorrow is a big day...

See you all at Bears, and a big high five to the Greek Seniors who made yesterday awesome, and to IU for cancelling class!

uhh, um, ok see ya

Freshman year of college I went up to Purdue for the equivalent of what was their bid week. I went to my buddies dorm room and saw in his closet that he had this weird new axe soap called snake skin. He said he only used it after he committed a deplorable sex act with someone regrettable, because he felt that like a snake he could shed his skin (or shame) and start anew.

Well I have a feeling that lots of Freshman girls are feeling that way right about now. Bid week is and always has been one of the most comical times of year for a guy, but I'm sure that amidst my laughter there are several girls calling home crying to their mothers because they were just devirginized by some asshole in ATO. But this year it seemed as if the joke was on me.

As I would drunkenly stumble up to a Freshman and proudly declare my senior status, it was as if I had just admitted to being a registered sex offender. Apparently it is no longer cool to flirt with the elder statesmen of the crowd. No worries, I'll just go to Kilroy's and strike out with the usual suspects and then wake up on my shitty futon in the morning with all of my clothes on staring blankly at an old gossip girl rerun or HBO late night on demand, that I had thrown on in my blackout.

-End subtle rant about being old-

So the Little 5 pairings are out and I am not surprised. I am a bit disappointed in the lack of controversy. There didn't seem to be much of a wild card this year, it seems like everything is as it should be. The tiny stunt pulled by the Kappas would be no worse than a C Misdemeanor in a social court. But the real question is what shit ass rap act is AEPi bringing to town this year? I'm sorry was that rude.
My apologies to Eric Kramer and Ben Smith, for I love you both dearly.

As the snow melts and I spiral deeper and deeper into my denial that college is nearing its conclusion, I say that this will not be a traditional Shakespearean five act play with the climax in act 3...o no. This is going to be the last 20 minutes of The Departed...Who will be standing with me when the smoke clears?