Stumbling through life

Well since my last post, we have managed to go out every night, and I have blacked out 3 of 4. Monday night we skipped Montell Jordan and opted for some guido ass dj at a different club. This was also the night that I can honestly claim that I remember a majority of what happened. Tuesday against my better judgement I caved and decided to go out, and using the theory of "go hard or go home" Taylor and I split a bottle of 140 proof absinthe. Needless to say I don't remember wearing a white suit out and karaoking Backstreet Boys with Jack and Steve.

So after that little shit show, one would assume that we would take it easy on Wednesday night right? False. John thought this would be a fantastic night to go v.i.p. style. We bought two bottles at the club like we were fucking Long Island legends, we had two tables and ten sport coats. We are the envy of every tau alive! Tonight we will surely go out again, and sing our hearts out with the sheiks at karaoke night Michael Collins. Steve and I are going to request several selections from Wicked and Newsies. It should also be added that last night Chase broke his foot in a drunken stupor.
Last night for sure will make us famous, but then again everyone already knows about florence alpha. We treat our shitty little apartment like a fucking frat, and we bomb this city nightly like it is Btown, except our Kirkwood has thousand year old churches and what not.

For those of you wondering, the Kappas and Deltas are having fun too, and they consistently join us on our epic quests.

We travel to Rome this weekend so if you pull up CNN and read: College kid found dead of alcohol poisoning inside the Colliseum, you will know the culprits. Expect a fantastic blog Monday morning. Happy birthday Thunder!

Fyero...

P.S. I Think the next president of the frat should be Alex Konstantopolous

Chris the All American

It came to my attention earlier this week that I make a lot of hasty generalizations on this blog. Mainly, I have been pretty ruthless towards the east coasters, which is pretty calous considering one of my roommates is from the heartland of the east coast: Westchester, New York. Ladies and gentleman may I introduce Chris the all-american! Chris is our roommate from quaint Connecticut school Quinnipiac. And let me tell you Chris is much less like the long island stereotypical flat bill wearing, idiot that tries to act like he was the star of my new haircut. He is much more of the lovable and friendly person that has long made New York the most identifiable place in America. Not only does Chris have the best hair of everyone i our apartment he is by far and away the healthiest. He is often heard giving Hunter cooking tips, and how to make his chest rock hard so he will be ready for spring break! Chris is the only one of us that cared enough about his body to join a local gym while we are here, and he is never too shy to acost me for my frequent choice of fast food. In short, I would like to apologize to Chris for throwing him under the bus with the rest of the states east of Ohio, and I will make a concerted effort in the future to properly distinguish the people that made our country great vs. the people that make Europeans hate America.

So today Chris Kolman-Mandle, we salute you!

2pac live in concert

I could have sworn that 2pac was for sure deceased, even if I did buy into the whole seven day theory when I was in middle school. I had accepted the fact, that he wasn't coming back...but then sure enough last night an entourage of urban young men started busting out the lyrics to California Love and then they reveal Tupac Shakur..."out on bail fresh out of jail california dreamin..." O no wait, that was Young Joc. In the two hours he pranced around stage pushing his new album and pouring grey goose on the jungle fever bims in the front row, he managed to sing one original composition...It's going down (Which was probably ghost written by a very white, very nerdy, ivy league educated man named Richard)

All in all though the concert was a good time. I got everything I came to see, sweaty east coast guys, and a lot of east coast cleavage...everyone wanted to be the lucky girl that Mr. Joc invited back to his trailer.

Karaoke in three hours...I have to warm up the vocals...

a special thank you to Jack for doing my real world video, you guys can look forward to watching me next season in Real World: Topeka...Jack has also submitted the video to Cannes Film Festival under the category, Humorous Short...so expect us to kick in Entourage style in the South of France this summer.

Stay strong friends,
Dave

p.s. I don't really miss you guys that much...I would like to but we're having so much fun that the thought of all of you guys back home and miserable just sort of slips our minds

Coup d'état

Yo bro, I got a table tonight

So Young Joc is coming to town and every asswipe east of cincinatti thinks that he is going to be the man by purchasing a table at tonight's events. So let me make a couple of things clear right off the bat:
1. Young Joc is fucking lame.
B. Buying a bottle with your boys who are all wearing sport coats and all have oversized noses may get you laid, but by similarly big nosed, insecure, whores.
III. I want the east coast to sink.
Delta. I miss Kilroy's.

Now that you have a loose basis for what I'm feeling, let me tell you what I'm dealing with. The bridge and tunnel trash here don't know how to converse with others. They simply lounge around at their table and watch the jersey chasing sluts come and go. Once in a while they will buy another bottle with their father's Bank of America credit card...god forbid they just conform and go Chase...but they won't dance, oh no, then they would have to abandon the "table" that they had sacrificed so much for. (And they think its cool to be friends with promoters and club managers...jesus, talk about the lowest life form in the world. Someone who makes a career working for bars, is someone who votes democrat because they are direct beneficiaries of Welfare.)

Meanwhile...20 feet away is a gross and sweaty group of IU guys who have been on the dance floor for three hours strait, and are most likely tonsils deep on some cute girl whose family would survive a nuclear attack on the east coast (Is that joke too hard for you to understand?) But the "Wannabe Taus" are still looking really hard posted at their table, drinking shots of absolut...can you believe that shit? Who gets a bottle of absolut...if you are going to get a bottle at least get goose! Maybe I'll buy a bottle of smirnoff tonight...I probably won't even ask for a table...maybe my own bench, thats all you deserve for drinking mediocre vodka at a club.

The thing is, if I was at Kilroy's I could cockslap any of these assholes and get away with it, because I'm a totally sweet frat guy, and they are...well I don't want to offend Kamhi so let's just say that they are really big jokes. But for some reason, douchebaggery is like the thing to do here in Florence, so the flatbill wearing, iced up, "chain hang low" degenerates are actually the majority here. I stick to my tight knit group of midwestern Greeks and those that we deam acceptable to hang out with.

An example of what one may see here on a given night: An overweight and overbearing New Yorker removed his shirt at a dance club, it was a scarring image. However, he had purchased a table early in the night and was walking around with a bottle of Absolut. Henceforth, a pack of girls from Jersey that totally claim "the city" followed him around like he was the fucking pied piper the rest of the night.

It's not cool to spend money at clubs...its cool to sneak in your own booze so after hours of dancing, you can sneak into the bathroom and chug some vodka Marissa style (that's an OC joke) and go back to the dance floor in the blacked out state that you were previously in.

These kids can piss me off as much as they want, but I'll always have this on them: ambition, a future, and parents that love me and eachother. So fuck you to everyone with an accent, and don't call me "bro."

Sorry for my anger,

Average Joe...

P.S. Someone call my mom and tell her I need some more money...because I'm buying a table and some bottles tonight.

Larkin's Revenge

A quick update on Philip Morris' number one supporter.
Remember the days when Larkin was content to sit in room 3 all day smoking nothing but...cigarettes? Me neither, because since our arrival to Florence, Larkin has been tearing up the city to tiny pieces. He routinely stays up until 7 am, and he has been no stranger to earning multiple bottles of wine to his dome. Larkin is also not afraid to stray from the group. Maybe Larkin doesn't have a strong sense of smell, but as of late he has shown a keen sense of party, and he regularly ends up at the biggest one. Ryan steals the show on a multitude of levels. Had you seen Mr. Ryan L in Milan you would give him a standing ovation.

So please rise,

and salute Larkybear!!!

P.S. I bet that even though McKerr is now cool...he is dwarfed in awesomeness by Jeff Fraser.

Living Legends

No Carl, I haven't retired from the blog...I have just been too drunk to add to it lately. Anyways...happy valentines day, why is it that as a single male I always have awesome valentines days? The answer is IU sorority girls. Thursday night we had a wild dinner party with Tri Delt, and after Mr. Potts, and Ms. Fischer cooked us a lovely 4 course meal we proceeded to get destroyed. After a long 20 person game of survivor flip cup, we discovered who the true alpha male of the group was. (Me) The Jager was then consumed an we made a mass exodus to a club. Potts dropped his broke ass v.i.p. card, and I ended up passing out on a couch in the smoooooker's lounge (Thayer hood dialect)

Early the next morning I roused half of the team for our brunch with the sheiks. After crushing 17 french toasts, I decided the group should head to Vie Sole for the day. It is a picturesque town on a hill that overlooks Florence. Upon our arrival we scaled our way to the summit and hung out in an elementary school park drinking beers. We then toured several cool churches and a monestary. All culture out of the way we decided to have one or two pints at an irish pub called jj hill. 4 hours later we were obnoxiously playing frat drinking games such as zoomy. About a 300 euro tab later, we decided that we should head to our next bar which was located in downtown florence. Needless to say the bus ride there was full of disney songs, and showtunes. When we arrived we noticed strange hooded figures with candles...so we decided to join a full fledged protest. None of us knew what we were protesting, but we were pissed and passionate about the issue. Finally around 11 pm, we decided to go to the Michael Collins pub...there we dscovered a 60's cover band full of beatles, the who, and rolling stones hits. Larkin would have loved it, but he decided not to go that night because he was "fuckin' tired." After bar number 3, Mallory and I set off for some gelato but could only find bar number 4.
***
(That means passage of time for those of you who aren't well read)
I woke up at 545 am...realizing I had only been asleep for 2 hours. Our bus to Milan was leaving in 15 minutes, in a semi conscious state I packed my bags and the entire team minus Potts and Jack set off for the fashion capitol of the world. Needless to say we were all miserable. Upon arriving in Milan we went on a half assed tour of a castle full of cats and some church with spikes all over it. I met up with Amy H and spent the rest of my day shopping at H and M and Zara...I bought a cool hat...my roommates do not like it.
We loaded up a bus to go to the middle of nowhere at about 6 and at 8 we started drinking our three bottles of scotch, then we went to the hotel bar with intentions of blacking out. John succeeded and attempted to buy a bottle. The API staff wasn't pleased.
The next day we spent touring cheese factories and slaughterhouses of pigs, wine was served at both of those places, and I took full advantage...we went on a tour of Parma, discovered a heroin den, and watched two dogs have sex in a park. I tried my first cappuccino...it was delicious.

All in all, it was a great four days. I heard IU finally won a game, great news! I'll update you guys soon.

I need a shower,

Your favorite Aryan...

P.S. Biff I earn it hourly

What Would Kozik Do?

I found myself with an interesting decision to make last night. The other 9 roommates had decided to take it easy in lieu of a difficult class schedule the next day. It would have made sense for me to do the same. However, Courtney called and asked if I wanted to go pregame with her friends...I sighed, and then upon looking down at my WWKD bracelet, I knew it was game time. After a thirty minute walk and some intense flipcup I was feeling absolutely...sober. We were planning on going to some club which required one to be absolutely black out. At this point between all the waiting for more alcohol, and dealing with some ass clown who kept turning off our Kilroys favorites...(Seriously this mega deush turned off 2 Phil Collins songs, How can we be lovers, summer of 69, and wake me up before you gogo in favor of a bunch of T-Pain! What A raging GDI!!) Anyway...I was ready to leave. things were looking bleak...but once again I looked at my WWKD bracelet, and realized that eric would probably hang in there. I then got on Shana's computer and reminded sty that he was no longer an undergrad, and he didn't fit-in out in L.A. he had no clever response, it was a great feeling. haha. Anyways DJ Giddy finally showed up with some vodka, which Courtney, me, and Amanda polished off in a matter of 109 seconds. We then proceeded to the club where I was nearly violently thrown out for attempting to pay for drinks with a fraudulent drink card. I recovered. I befriended some sort of VIP and was dancing on couches when I saw a particularly sexy girl dancing in the corner. Needless to say I took one look at my bracelet...

...after a few hours I realized that eveeryone was gone, and I was hammered, so I walked home alone, picked up some gelatto (ice cream) then I read two chapters of Freakanomics. (It is almost as much fun as listening to Wicked at 5 am)

Breaking News: I Found the Scully! She was being accosted by a dark skinned man presumably named something strange that will hurt him later in life (See Freakanomics chapter 6: A Roshanda by Any other name) I saved the day by simultaneously keeping hoards of minorities from attacking young danielle and her roommates...I hate all of the non-americans here!

"Italy where creeping is not only socially acceptable, but encouraged!"

Breaking News part 2:
I dropped my boring ass communication class and I am not in 1960's: A counter culture
or A class about pot that will really interest Larkin.

Ok enough, I'm going to go get a beef sandwhich!

Matt Kamhi isn't worthy of the late January birthday bash,

Joe Massa...

p.s. Everyone be extra nice to Dan in the coming weeks, he has some hard tests and no friends to get him through it.

Almost Phamous

Just got back from Switzerland and I have decided that it is absolutely my favorite place in the world. It is a beautiful country with beautiful people. Not to often do you wake up in the morning and wee the largest moutain range in the world surrounding you. When I'm here in Florence I wake up to rain clouds and a bunch of glorified Mexicans. I've never been prouder to be German. Anyways, the slopes were great, and the trip turned out to be more or less a 24 hour 5 person date with Jack, myself, and three of the Kappas. The girls (well Kirsten and Katherine...sorry Jamie) were way better than us at skiing which was slightly embarssing, but at the same time totally awesome. And for those of you who are turned on by my failures, you will delighted to hear that Jack has some footage of me taking an epic spill. I promise it was my only fall of the day, and other than that I am a world class skier. To put into words the landscapes we saw on the slopes would be impossible. I took a thousand pictures and several "bomb" videos, but you just won't get it until you go there.

Our Hostel was nothing short of incredible. It had a fucking dance club in the basement, and a rather cheap happy hour from 6-10, that allowed us to get plenty drunk before dinner both nights. Friday night we were the obnoxious Americans at a nice restaraunt...and Saturday we went for fondu with our ski crew, and were racially profiled by a bunch of Asians. It is a weird feeling to be a white, conservative, protestant and be stereotyped. Thats like picking Michael Jordan last in street ball...but seriously it was very strange. We were hidden in the back so we couldn't be seen by the other patrons.

We spent our nights getting scummy listening to jazz at the other Hostel where all the attractive people were staying. I think there was a questionaire for our Hostel and if you wrote down the keywords: midwest, in shape, easy going, or conscious of appearance you were instantly denied...needless to stay, we didn't spend much time at the basement night club.

Trip wrap up: I skied the alps, didnt sky dive...but I will some day. Jack and I are officially famous for being the guys that missed the van, but said "Fuck it" and took a train to Interlaken. The only way to travel, is to wing it last minute. The roomies at home did a whole lot of nothing, unless you consider looking at a tower that leans something. I'm kididng the guys had a blast and John blacked out and bought a bottle...Frat.

Switzerland is more perfect than Massa's relationship with Lisa. I have a new found appreciation for the Swiss and the color red. Next week we travel to Milan, and apparently you losers travel to Indy...say hello to the ferret for me.

Gallagher, Krivacs, and Saucy studied abroad somewhere lame,

fratERN ITy...

P.S. We are watching little 5 at a bar here with the sheiks...please send us pair shirts

30 cents a minute

Cheers from Interlakken, Switzerland. Jack and I have made the trek from italy to the alps...everyone else as you can imagine is probably taking a nap or doing some other lame ass activity. The sheiks and the deltas are here as well, and we all plan to conquer the mountains tomorrow. In the time being Jack and I have been feigning wealth by looking at multi thousand dollar watches and hugo boss sport coats. The ratio here is 99 girls to one guy. Things might be looking good for our struggling protagonist. Also I would like to add that Jack and I are sharing a cubicle of a room...maybe 20 square feet.

More detailed explanations of our travels to come...look at the fucking title.

FRAT FRAT FRAT...

p.s. I am more euro than kanye

Super Thursday

No there aren't any primaries today, but there is going to be one hell of a binge...I have had 11 hours of class today and I am planning on treating myself to a kick in the liver. So what has happened since the super bowl?
Well class started and that sucked, and I believe I am on day 20 of drinking, and almost out of money. Larkin and Hunter got in the ultimate scrap last night and it was a pretty even fight. Perhaps we should set that up as a PPV philo next year.
We still don't have internet in our place, but we learned how to cook barbeque chicken, so its all good...we spend all of our free time drinking anyways.
We invented a new cigarette butt tossing game...we basically shoot for an ashtray thats roughly 15 feet away. I am horrible, Larkin is pretty solid.
We might go to Interlochen Switzerland this weekend...and if we do I think I may jump out of an airplane over the swiss alps, or perhaps ski down the mountains...o you're thinking about going to happy hour and just staying all night? COOL you definetly trump my weekend...false.

As sweet as it is here, you are all dearly missed. Today I actually had a strange craving for a creepy stare from a special someone. I'm also quite sure that my Hero skills have gone to shit. Very unfortunate. I'm reading a new book called Freakanomics, if you havent read it yet, go pick it up. If you are a Spean however, I don't expect you to be able to read, let alone want to.

Sorry for that, that was uncalled for,

Arrogant American with false sense of entitlement...

P.S. I never want to meet another male with a first name ending in O

Bridge and tunnel trash...and Tara Reid

Congratulations to the New York Giants. I hate the patriots with all my heart and nothing felt better than seeing Brady and Billicheck fail. I went with my roommate Chris to a club (as usual the rest of the crew was acting cowardly) to watch the big game. There were more white v necks than a Thursday at Sports. As much as I wanted the Giants to win, I wanted to vomit on every Long Islander there. But I would rather see some punk named "Vinny" happy than see that shit eating grin on Tom Brady's face.
Anyways, Tara Reid was there, popping more Xanex than King McKerr himself. It was an interesting scene. I don't think she'll ever be famous again. She looks like a brtiney spears, Paris Hilton hybrid on her worst day.
Class just started...very interesting, my teacher told us today that we didnt have to come to class if we were hungover...just practice more on our own. Fabulous.

We enjoy your comments, and curiosity about our adventure here. Keep Btown fratty.

Peace
-Moeller

P.S. Ami, Mandy and Sarah are goddesses for making me birthday vidoes on facebook.

40 mg of ambition

10:30 A.M. We woke up and showered. The night before everyone had been pumped to go to Venice. But soon, the usual suspects started dropping out like flies. The cowards were Steve, Larkybear, Coy, Chos, Chris, and Mark. This left me, Frank Cappuccino (hunter), Jack, and John.

11:30 A.M. Jack buys ticket for 1135 train. Language barrier takes Jack for 34 Euro...never gets ticket.

12:30 P.M. We board train for Venice, we are super pumped. Italian girl next to us listens to death metal the whole way...volume loud.

3:30 P.M. We arrived in Venice and it was simply breath taking. It really looks exactly like it does in the movies. No roads, no cars. Just lots of alleys and canals. Very crowded, strange masks everywhere. We begin the long journey to San Marco square...where the party is raging harder than a phi psi courtyard during little 5.

4:30 P.M. We make contact with Amy Harris (an iu zta) we proceed to find a Liquor store. I purchase a bottle of wine, and a bottle of Champagne. I lose all the other guys.

4:34 P.M. I finish my first bottle of wine.

4:52 P.M. I find Jack and the rest of the guys. I finish my bottle of champagne.

6:00 P.M. It begins to rain, the crew and I decided to go get dinner at a local pizzeria. During the course of dinner we all consume a large cheese pizza and four liters of wine.

8:15 P.M. That was a long dinner...pill up son...

8:30 P.M. Jack and Hunter purchase a bottle of liquer called the "drink of Venice" a techno driven pyrotechnics show goes on in the square...I feel lost beneath my mask. I am deep in a black out right now...

1:00 A.M. I realize that I am lost and in a bar alone. I find Jack and Kelly...very lucky. I stumble around the square and find the rest of my clan...there is no one else left.

2:00 A.M. we have now been stumbling around a plaza drinking sangrea for quite some time and we have heard rumors of a 310 train to Yuma...I mean florence. We start towards the train station. But on the way we stop for cigarettes and another bottle of that drink of Venice stuff...bad idea.

3:00 A.M. The train didnt really exist...Hunter and I have decided that we will smoke cigarettes until 530, when the next train arrives.

530 AM we hop on a train to Florence and weasel our way into first class...we order one more beer for the train ride.

830 AM we arrive back in Florence and catch a cab back to the condo.

10:00 P.M. I wake up, hungover, make myself some chicken teryaki. The super bowl starts in 2 hours...Fuck

Game time

I sit underground in the Florence train station right now surrounded by a crew of nafarious characters, yet I chuckle because this weekend we have in store is going to be quite the ambitious venture.

Last night Jack and I were aimlessly wandering around an American night club and I was greeted by the most stereotypical Smallwood resident imaginable. He reckognizes me (obviously) as a prominent member of the IU Greek system. I emptily exchanged pleasantries with the stranger, until he said something of extreme interest to me. He was in the Wells program, and he was at the bar with a bunch of IU girls from "some sorority"...needless to say I quickly stormed off without so much as good-bye, and found Molly and Chelsea already manipulating poor Italian males into buying bottles of Grey Goose. Now that the rest of Courtney's smokin' hot friends have arrived...we fully intend to dominate Florence harder than Kozik and Marco do on a Thursday at roys.

Furthermore, I decided on a whim to go to Venice on Saturday night. It is their "carnivale" (imagine the scene from The Counte of Monte Cristo) so obviously I must go. Apparently all the hotels and hostels are booked up already. But that isn't anything a little adderall and ambition can't cure. 6 am train into town on Saturday, 6 am out of town on Sunday...nap time and then super bowl. Well gents everyone wish Kamhi a happy birthday for me, and tell him that I forgive him for all the times he wronged me.

We still say "Thaaaaaayerrr Hooooooood,"

-Frat A Team